i've been looking at friend's pics on facebook nearly all morning. i think i've reached a saturation point with my homesickness, my desire to go home is intense by now, and i can't wait to go to abruzzo and upload energy for another long stay away from it.
i really want to see those landscapes again, eat genuine food. laugh, relax, stay out at night. chat with friends. hug my nana. take ali to the baby rollercoaster in vasto. eat the delicious ice-cream they do in there. take photos as if it were the last time i went there. sigh.
i don't think i'll visit my family's house, though. i'm not ready for that. not yet. too many emotions disturb my mind and i want to protect them, because they're fragile by now. i want to enjoy my holidays, not ruining them. i'm not even sure i want to spend time with my brother. i'm still resentful.
well, this is me. a year passed and i still feel all messed up. my pain hasn't healed yet. i don't think it'll ever do, that's why i'm considering therapy. maybe i got this all too personally. when everybody hits you there're moments when you feel uncertain and think that maybe, just maybe, it's you the one with faults.
i just need to regain confidence and have someone purely objective telling me what's wrong with wanting to remain detached from my own family. i do. i want to be a better person and i don't wish that this toxic relationship i've got with my parents influences my present life negatively.
maybe going into therapy will help. it surely will. and i'll finally confront my demons.
Patient and therapist attempt together to lift the grime and wear of the years without damaging the original underneath. Where damage appears, repair is carefully undertaken in accordance with, as far as possible, the intentions of the creator, the self of the patient. The process is a science and an art. Such a process is about discovering, experiencing and assimilating what is authentic and emotionally true in the patient's self (british psychotherapist Paul Williams) credits
yes, i need therapy. before my feelings become devastating.