labor revival

i always have pizza on february 1st. i eat it because it reminds me of my labor in a hilarious way and i can't stop laughing lucidly every time i think about it. 5 years ago on this day, i had been at the hospital alarmed by severe contractions in the morning. they had weirdly stopped the minute i sat on the ob's chair for the monitoring, though, so i was sent home and told to eat, if i felt like it, because i was still a loooong way to go.

i was hungry, i had 4 slices of pizza at the hospital cafeteria, while my parents and husband were all too astonished and nervous to even open their mouths. they just watched me divoring those slices as if i had been a homeless for weeks. nobody told me that i was 2 cm dilated instead, and that it's not recommended to eat any food in that case. i learned this by the shocked midwife when it was too late and i was vomiting my stomach off and then ... (well, you imagine). she was yelling what the hell had i meant to do by eating my usual latte and croissant. that's what i told her i did. i felt too guilty to confess about that huge quantity of pizza, so i lied to her.  

my labor had started the night before, and in a serious way. it was something that confused me, because i was prepared to experience small contractions and in a long interval of time. it was what we had been told at the pre-labor course for 6 months, whereas it was like if someone was constantly kicking my kidneys in a violent way. 

since we were in the middle of a snowstorm, i asked al to dial 118 to be instructed on what to do in case i went into labor. i wanted to feel safe and know there was an ambulance picking me up in case i needed it.  

'because, u know, my wife is close to her due date. she's pregnant!'

'well, get winter tyres then!' was the receptionist's calm answer.

winter tyres ... we looked at eachother first, then at the massive snow covering the streets up to our first first floor balcony. another contraction hit and we were distracted. we didn't have tyres. it made sense, yes, but you don't get that matter of fact when you're about to pop out your first child. no no!

we then tried to cool down and prepared for bed. there's a history of difficult uterus dilation in my family, both my mother and grandmother had endless births, i knew that. what nobody had told me was what it really is to be like to have a long labor. i couldn't stop thinking what was waiting for me. if the alternation of peace and devastation was about to be transformed in a permanent pain. i remained calm, though, and picked up my luggage when i lost my plug mucus, just in the middle of my bedtime ritual.

we ventured to the hospital without winter tyres, it went fine. the night was utterly silent and glacial, i had no contractions in the car. when we arrived at the er entrance, al and i both looked back and then held our hands. we were on our way to helping along a miracle any minute now. the guy at the check-in interrupted that special moment by offering me a wheel chair, which i proudly refused. i could be on my own, i could walk. i could face all this. poor proud, stubborn woman! everything collapses as the labor gets intense. 

the last lucid moment i remeber before falling down into the longer, stronger, and closer contractions vortix was when the welcoming nurse told me to get plenty of rest because i would need it after labor begins. wasn't i into labor yet? then it was all about faces, physicians and midwives who told me not to push yet, to breathe, to stay calm. hell, the urge to push was brutal instead, i had this locomotive running inside me, i wanted it out. i felt like i was about to explode any minute. i imagined pieces of me around the delivery room, my body contorted like an odd female creatures in picasso's paintings.

breathe, breathe! they kept saying. what the fuck, i know i have to breathe, leave me alone! they had even sent alfonso out. bastards! oh well, i was the first to want him out, no need to complain. oh my, am i getting crazy? it was just me and my baby, it was OUR thing, between me and her now. ouch! aargh!!! breathe, breathe. i waaant this out! NOOOW!!! okay, you can push now, madam. really? yeah, push! puuuush!

and there she was, my baby, jumping into this world, so contente and serene and pink and wet, gently crying. all the pain disappeared, i dind't even feel guilty for yelling that much. well okay, i felt remorse for a while, but fuck them, it's their job to deal with births, i can handle that. all i cared about now was alice and her arrival. i was ecstatic. i felt like my whole life had zeroed and i was starting it all over again.

where's al? can't he see OUR baby? we're 3 now, a family. i can rest now! let me rest, please! and maybe...ehm...maybe i can get some more pizza now that everything is over? :))))))