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31 July 2010

soliloquies of a stranger

time for a new update, after my week home in abruzzo.

i've been dealing with confused feelings since i got back. the joy to be there after 2 years and the enthusiasm of seeing all my friends and people as well as places i love once again, but at the same time the certain emotion that i could never live there again. oh no. and then the justified anger at my parents uncapability to pass roots and pride and relations to me. those i had to reinvent by myself and i find it hard now. i'm still managing a way. bah!


being back was good, yeah, but it also made me realize how much of a girl in a suitcase i am. endless journey seems to be my destiny and, honestly, i'm not sure i like it anymore. fortunately there's always someone nice at every stop. fortunately i always move ahead. and this saves me :)

the week was oh so intense. i managed to do everything and see everyone like planned carefully long before, even though for a limited time. first thing i wanted to see was my native house. once and then never again. i couldn't tolerate the pure degrade of the walls, the infinite sadness of its unrepaired look. battling skeletons isn't nice and it impacted me the most, but now i feel i've seen it once again and i can let it go. 

the other places i used to have so much fun in were there instead, waiting for me in all their glory. these places that suddenly weren't of real significance for me anymore. some great things happened and now they're gone. that's it. no great expectations, just consolation to be there once again. feeling like a solitary witness of a sliding past. 

welcome to my abruzzo then! 

a region where nature, art and food melt intricately together, giving out a surprising, genuine result.


where people are stubborn but extremely nice and kindhearted

and where i was privileged to be welcomed like an intimate by everyone (thank you for still treasuring me in your heart, guys!)


  1. A word comes to mind: closure. I think that is what you got while in Abbruzzo.

    I love the picture of your grandmother .... she is such a beautiful woman. But is that sadness and preoccupation that I see in her eyes?

  2. What a wonderful post Elda! You obviously put your heart in to it.
    I am sorry that your feelings are so confused right now but I know in my heart that you will be okay with everything in time. You are a strong and capable lady. You will get through all of this and be stronger at the end of it. I have faith in you.

  3. you know wherever you go you will always have friends who love you :-)

  4. Ooops! Forgot to sign my previous comment my friend :-)

  5. it's so true, sandra. total closure, i dare say! and yes, nana is beautiful. she was such a charming woman, a nearly diva! of course it's sadness what you read. hw could be different? :(

    thanks heather. heart drives me everywhere, but i found out love isn't sufficient enough now. i need determination now. it's a shitty phase of my life and i hope it'll lead me somwhere in the end!

    is that you, birna? you didn't even sign your second comment :)

  6. yes Elda it was me and I forgot to sign both ... hopeless on times LOL!
    Love ya!


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