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29 March 2010

poker face

after a few days of running nose, alice got her temperature a bit altered yesterday evening, so i decided to keep her home today. no fever yet, lots of liquid and cartoons, apart from her usual drawing and a bit of pre-schooling exercises in the morning.

it's been a weird day. i managed to damage my hoover. i immediately called in for assistance, it's being fixed now. they said they need about 1 week. will i survive 7 days in the dust? i let myself go and indulged in junk food after 2 weeks of hard detoxing. it seems like it's something i can't truly avoid and it makes me furious. double argh!

oh well, nobody's perfect, right? maybe i should be less strict with myself. just yesterday, too, my brother asked me if i'm in the middle of a 40's crisis or something, just because i posted a few nice photos on fb. these.

i was bored and played gaga with a few shots, editing them later and usinga dramatic red for my lips. it must have looked unusual to my brother, the image he has of me is that of a naif mother. but i'm a person in the first place, something he obviously forgot. 

when i tried to explain him i like myself more now than in the past he said something pretty disturbing. something like 'please not another monologue about how much you worked about yourself, we all know you think before you behave!'. what the hell? am i really that boring? 

what looked like a honest answer for me was arrogance for him, and maybe even jealousy. i like improving myself more, daily, i like to learm from mistakes and move ahead, modelling my faults. i believe it's all part of growing up constantly. and i expect people to take it for granted. well, they don't. many of them just see the poker face and don't try to read it. 

oh well ... better concentrate on our future plans. the imminent ones include easter in venice with al's brothers and their families. once again all the cousins can be together. nobody thought to invite the mil. nobody wants her to be around. ehm! if it's not rough it ins't fun, p p p p p p p p poker face (mum mum mum mah)!


  1. I know you worked a lot on yourself and you shouldn't have to explain anything to your brother. He needs to accept you as you are, but you , too, have to accept the others as they are. Not everybody has your will to be better, to learn more, to enjoy every day.. You are the lucky one!

  2. thanks sandra, it doesn't make me feel the wrong one!


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